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My Fire-Proof Smile

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Do you remember that time a few weeks ago when I said I’d bought a race car?

Well, I also bought a race suit to go with it. I had to: you can’t drive in a rally unless you’re wearing a fire-proof suit. I had to have it specially made by an Italian man who said that he would change the measurements to fit my “developments.”*

*(He meant my boobs). (Although they stopped developing awhile ago).

The suit was waiting for me when I got home from tour and I was forced to try it on at once. It fit a like a glove, where “glove” is “garment that encloses your entire body and protects it from the burning flames of your poor vehicular decision-making.”

I have a helmet, too. Now I just need to sort out what I’m going to wear on my feet. Lover, who’s also racing next year, bought fire-proof underwear. I don’t know if I’m going to do that. I sort of feel like if everything else is up in flames, I won’t be so bothered about the undercarriage** going as well, if you get my drift. I really think it’s just shoes I need to track down. Between that and my fire-proof smile, what else could I possibly require?

**I mean my boobs.

I realize this post makes it sound like all rally cars do is catch on fire. That’s not really true. Mostly they run into things or roll over or slide into crap and get ugly, but there is no preventative for ugly. Fireproof suit, yes. Uglyproof suit? That is for scientific humans to discover in a hopeful and beautiful future.

What a proud moment this is.***

In Which Maggie Buys a Race Suit

***This is the finest photograph that has ever been taken of me.

  • The lawnmower in that pic is truly majestic. … And now I’m picturing you racing THAT in your nifty firesuit. Have fun. ;D

    • Man, girl your rocking that suit.

  • So cool!!!

  • Anonymous

    The badassery that is you is what keeps you as my idol.

  • Love it! Can’t wait to see photos of an actual race. P.S. I wouldn’t suggest your current choice of footwear. 🙂

  • Heather Young

    I love your choice of flip flops with your fireproof suit. 😉

    • Lisa D.

      I was JUST about to say that. WE THINK ALIKE

  • You are made of awesome.

  • Tiffany

    Thank you for providing a much needed humor break from the dull, drab psychology paper I must finish. (No, I’m not procrastinating.)

  • i’m so happy for you 🙂 i’ve only had the opportunity a few times, but driving a rally car really is loads of fun and I enjoyed it exponentially each time..! do you have something to cover your hair with when you’re wearing the helmet? or do you plan on just braiding it and hide it inside your fire-proof suit? best of luck, be careful and enjoy yourself 😀

  • I was also imagining you racing the tractor. Looking good, Maggie.

  • I thought you were going to be racing the lawn mower dressed like that. 😀

  • Stephanie

    This is made of so much win. And holy cow, how do you get anything done living in that beautiful countryside. I should move to that side of the country. The middle (middle being Oklahoma in my case) is very dull in comparison.

  • Angie

    You, Maggie, are pure Awesomesauce!!! What a fantastic photograph of you!!

  • What do you mean flip flops aren’t fireproof? I love that picture.

  • littlefoot

    Oh come on, don’t you want a fireproof bra just to say you have one? No one needs to know whether or not that’s the one you’re wearing under the fire suit. Just think of it as being prepared for the unexpected.

  • Fabulous photo, but definitely put shoes high on the list.

  • Haha great picture! Very funny blog by the way!

  • That looks awesome! ROFL @ Lover’s fire-proof undies! 🙂 Men….

  • Paula

    You might want to consider the fireproof underwear. I’m picturing burns from the lycra (or poly whatever) melting against your skin as the outer layer protects you from becoming the human torch.

  • I particularly like the flip flops. =)

  • Charne

    Thanks for the chuckle 😉

  • Allison Madsen

    Hey Maggie-

    I just recently watched your hilarious YouTube video Kraaken’s are the new Vampires and wanted to share this song that fits very well. Look up I Crush Everything by Jonathan Coulton.

    Wishing you the best and THANK YOU for all you do in the book world. I love being able to share your books at my library!


Maggie Stiefvater
Hi, I'm Maggie Stiefvater

Professional novelist by day and artist by night. I live an eccentric life in the middle of nowhere, Virginia with my charmingly straight-laced husband, two kids, and neurotic dogs. I’m the author of the Books of Faerie (LAMENT and BALLAD); the bestselling SHIVER trilogy (SHIVER, LINGER, FOREVER), and THE SCORPIO RACES.

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Copyright 2012